Friends – what would we be without our friends? Those people who are your family and chosen family. They will hold your hair up when you’ve drank too much, hold you when you cry. There are friends you vent to and surprise you on your birthday. We have a lot of friends, cousins, sisters, brothers, high school friends work friends etc. but there are 3 essential friends you need in your bridal party. Let’s see what The Bride Candy has to say (and by the way I’m naming each paragraph after my Bridesmaids).

The Sister Bridesmaid (The Jaja)

Your first bridesmaid is usually the person you’ve grown up with. You’ve known for years they would be your bridesmaid and usually become your maid of honor. They can be your biological sister or chosen sister you’ve been friends with forever. This bridesmaid has known every stage of you, there are secrets you have together you will take to your grave. You both nurture each other because you know that in the end, you’ll always have each other. This bridesmaid knew he or she was the one and if all fails will climb a mountain to save you. You’ve watched each other grow, experienced some of the most beautiful moments in your lives together and also the darkest. Brides need this person in their life always because they are your family. This bridesmaid is named after my maid of honor and sister Jaja, which is what I called her when I was baby.

The Wise Bridesmaid (The Jeff)

We all have a wise friend. Someone who calls you out when you are wrong and gives you advice when you need it most. They come from a place of love but yet make you see the other side of things. You trust this person because you know they are smart, loyal but know what’s best for you. They remind to keep your cool and every so often you get into trouble together that you somehow get out of. This bridesmaid is named after my bridesman Jeff, who is the brother I never had.

The Ride or Die Bridesmaid (The Nelly)

This bridesmaid is always down to have a drink with you – and trust me there will be a few times you’ll have one too many. They will defend you till the end and always be on your side. Loyalty is the name of their game and anyone who crosses you should watch out. This friend is tough but not when it comes to you. They will drop anything to lift you up, and you can drive to their house in the middle of the night when things are tough. This bridesmaid is named after my Miami sister Nelly.

All your bridesmaids are important, and each bring different qualities who have made you, you. It’s important to have them by your side especially on such a momentous occasion. I have been blessed to have amazing friends who would life me up when everything felt like it would crumble and fall. They filled my happiest of times with even more joy and love. I don’t know what I would do without them. I feel so blessed to have these amazing people by my side. I know for those of you who are reading this, whether you are married, getting married or even single, know who these people are in your lives. We all have them, and our world wouldn’t be the same without them. To my bridesmaids I love you so much, thank you for being my rock.

The wedding industry is evolving and becoming more diverse and inclusive. Ever since gay marriage became legal in all 50 states four years ago the LGBTQ+ community no longer is invisible. Over time, it became more common to see non-straight narratives in advertisements and more industries have shown their support, but unfortunately we still have a long way to go. This dawned on me one day as I experienced what it is like to feel uncomfortable while looking for a wedding vendor. Still, there’s a lot of positive things that have happened over the years so here’s a little of my experience. I also included advice for those of you who are in the industry on how to become a better LGBTQ+ Ally.

Mr. & Mrs.

One thing I always thought was tacky were the Mr. and Mrs. signs – at least until I walked into a store and saw Mr. and Mr. gift bags. I had never seen them casually displayed anywhere before. It’s nice to see how inclusive the market has become. Now, you see cards for same-sex couples, cake toppers, all types of merchandise that never existed before. But as great as it is to see more inclusive items, sometimes they can still make people uncomfortable. A venue I visited had a Mr. & Mrs. sign hammered to their wall. As a same-sex couple (speaking for Jeremy and myself) it’s not a problem to see something like this, but when it’s permanently attached to the wall it shows my partner and I that you never thought to cater to same sex couples. So if you yourself own a business, keep in mind if you have novelty bridal items such as Mr. & Mrs. and no same-sex selection it looks as though you are not an ally or comfortable working with same-sex couples. Just something to keep in mind – a little effort goes a long way.

Say yes to the dress

One scary experience for same-sex couples is showing up to a vendor meeting with your partner and having the vendor look at you in shock. I had an experience like this that I want to forget, but it happened to Jeremy and me. I made the mistake of not mentioning my fiancé was a man. Luckily, we have mostly had vendors greet us with open arms, and so have other same-sex couples we know. Jeremy’s cousin was afraid of poor treatment when calling to reserve slots for her and her fiancé Nicole’s wedding dress fitting. She wanted to mention that they were a same-sex couple on the phone to one bridal shop but before she could say it, the associate asked if they were and made them feel totally comfortable. This made them feel good, because there is always a fear someone might make you feel unwanted. No one wants to made feel different or ashamed for who they love.

Gay wedding

Some people get so excited when they hear about gay weddings. Their curiosity gets the better of them. They ask things like: Who is the bride? The groom? Is it the same as a heterosexual wedding? The answer is none of that matters. All weddings are the same, it’s two people are taking a vow to be together forever. It’s not a gay wedding – it’s a wedding. Most traditions are the same but same sex couples tend to be a little less traditional. In the LGBTQ+ community we try and be inclusive with everyone. We try not to label everything and everyone in masculine/feminine terms. So let’s shy away from assuming it’s always bride/groom. Instead ask: Are you the bride? And your what’s your fiancé’s name? Do this instead of handing over a form to fill out with the words bride and groom printed on it.

The key to being an ally is simply showing a bit of support. Treat the LGBTQ+ community with the same respect as one would for any other couple. We are all human and I am a firm believer that we are here to love. Let’s break away from our old school thoughts of only man/ woman weddings. Not everyone is the same, and together we can make the world more inclusive and an overall better place.

The 3 Bridesmaids Every Bride Should Have